[according to WordPress it is Thursday the 23rd. according to me and the kansan clocks it is not that. so I’m perfectly on schedule.]
When I committed to doing a total of four blog style posts to end the month, I couldn’t think of what to talk about in such a short increment of time. There’s tons of things I could write my opinion over, like movies, books, and music. I could write about my life and the things that occur as such.
Or I could write about how I don’t know what to write because sometimes I feel helplessly thoughtless. It happens to the best of us and the worst of us. Intellectual originality is hard, and most likely impossible, considering within the thousands of years in human existence and the billions of people who have passed through this planet, there’s no way in hell anything I say think or make can be entirely original.
However it can be a plethora of things synthesized into one entity and it comforts me knowing that I’m not racing anyone for the next big idea. The idea is there, resting in my palms waiting patiently for me to mash it between my fingers until it is unrecognizable and bizarre.
I love thinking of concepts and ideas in my head, also known as daydreaming¹, to test out these concepts, usually rooted in either humor or intense drama. I enjoy it best when it reaches the point of hysteria, leaving me giggling for supposedly no reason at all, to being in a prolonged state of sober silence from challenging the likelihood of true humanity.
I guess that is what most would constitute as a very active imagination.
I enjoy resting in other people’s daydream’s too. I find the type of narrative I want to hear at the time tends to be highly reflective of my mood and energy. Usually I want to l laugh or feel inspired, but sometimes it tips to one side more than the other and in various degrees. Humor could be crack humor or dark, well constructed comedy. Inspiration could mean beautifully scenic skies or a story about cult activity. I just love hearing strange, or well presented ideas.
I’m great at coming up with ideas. I’m terrible at execution, which on surface level sounds relatable, but there’s a difference between laziness and lack of confidence compared to generalized exhaustion and inability to get yourself together. Hence, still very relatable.
My biggest issues when it comes to creating is having some sort of relevancy. I have a very hard time forcing myself to be likable. I personally see it as a waste of energy and time, which is explained by my social inadequacy². I’ve contemplated how I can make what I do more accessible to people but if I’m being honest I don’t have the time. I don’t have the time to reach for people who aren’t reaching back.
I just really love doing what I do a lot, relevant or not.
¹meaning intensive alternate reality construction that I’ve spent years of my existence perfecting
²this being the cause of years of socialization gone wrong along with typical teenage insecurity mixed with a sense superiority.